1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:07,000 If you can read this, you got a degree in Japanese so you could play import video games. 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:12,160 Good going there, sport. 3 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Lie Subtitles by Whitney (beeblebabe.livejournal.com) 4 00:01:35,820 --> 00:01:37,160 Tseng! 5 00:01:37,490 --> 00:01:38,820 Didn't you die? 6 00:01:43,030 --> 00:01:43,900 ...Maybe. 7 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,130 What's that supposed to mean? 8 00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:50,730 You know, there was this thread on GameFAQs that said-- 9 00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:52,300 Now's not the time, Reno. 10 00:01:53,370 --> 00:01:54,670 Fine, fine. 11 00:02:06,190 --> 00:02:07,420 Oh, crap! Crap! 12 00:02:07,890 --> 00:02:09,250 There are fanboys, run!! 13 00:02:12,030 --> 00:02:12,790 F-fanboys... 14 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:14,930 Again!? 15 00:02:18,530 --> 00:02:19,360 Ugh... 16 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:21,260 Elena! 17 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,470 G-go! 18 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,750 Final Fantasy 7... 19 00:03:07,850 --> 00:03:11,290 You didn't really understand it 1996. 20 00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:16,610 And you're too distracted by fancy graphics to remember the plot now. 21 00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:21,590 Wasn't there some company called Shinra? 22 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:25,030 And maybe they were using the Lifestream to make taffy? 23 00:03:25,870 --> 00:03:29,030 Factories full of delicious strands 24 00:03:29,170 --> 00:03:31,400 of fresh-pulled saltwater taffy... 25 00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:35,810 No, it couldn't have been about taffy, that's ridiculous. 26 00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:38,740 Millions of people wouldn't have bought a game about taffy. 27 00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:44,240 It must have been something meaningful, 28 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,750 deep, and incredibly profound. 29 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:53,480 Definitely, definitely, not about taffy. 30 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:57,360 Maybe there was a meteor that 31 00:03:57,530 --> 00:04:00,300 was going to destroy the world? And maybe a 32 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,230 robot chick named Jenova? 33 00:04:05,910 --> 00:04:08,900 Oh, wait, this was the game with Sephiroth, 34 00:04:09,010 --> 00:04:11,640 the prettiest girl in Nibelheim. 35 00:04:12,510 --> 00:04:16,970 He had a lot of mommy issues and was sad, 36 00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:19,780 but because LiveJournal didn't exist yet, 37 00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:25,650 he had to kill a lot of things instead of writing poetry. 38 00:04:27,460 --> 00:04:31,060 It's all coming back now, isn't it? 39 00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:36,660 The long hours you spent leveling up, the phallic imagery... 40 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,830 The time you wasted getting Vincent and Yuffie... 41 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,270 How you told your friends 42 00:04:44,510 --> 00:04:48,970 that you cried when Aeris died. 43 00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:55,380 How they laughed, oh how they laughed. 44 00:04:57,290 --> 00:04:59,420 And then one day... 45 00:05:00,090 --> 00:05:01,560 A fated day... 46 00:05:01,930 --> 00:05:07,200 After seventy hours of leveling up, 47 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:12,340 of trying to beat Emerald and Ruby Weapon, 48 00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:15,600 of racing and breeding Chocobos 49 00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:19,870 you finally beat the game. 50 00:05:20,110 --> 00:05:22,810 And, god damn it, the ending made no sense. 51 00:05:25,850 --> 00:05:29,350 Now it must finally be time to clear things up, right? 52 00:05:29,790 --> 00:05:32,620 They wouldn't screw you after all this time, right? 53 00:06:01,690 --> 00:06:02,310 Let's go. 54 00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:02,890 OK. 55 00:06:06,260 --> 00:06:07,850 Unfortunately for you, 56 00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:13,370 they spent the budget on graphics and got the script from Fanfiction.Net. 57 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:18,930 Buckle in, tiger. 58 00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:25,270 Hey, Marlene? 59 00:06:25,750 --> 00:06:27,080 Is this going to make any sense? 60 00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:31,780 Oh, no. 61 00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:35,420 Oh, good god, no. 62 00:06:52,670 --> 00:06:55,160 He's not here anymore~ 63 00:07:07,990 --> 00:07:09,350 Cloud... 64 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,490 Please, please get that...? 65 00:07:24,070 --> 00:07:26,510 Hello, Strife Taxidermy! 66 00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:27,540 You snuff 'em, we stuff-- 67 00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,180 ...who is this? 68 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,910 Well, what are *you* wearing? 69 00:08:00,540 --> 00:08:02,700 You went out for milk six weeks ago. 70 00:08:03,010 --> 00:08:04,410 This kid here's dying of osteoporosis. 71 00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:07,470 Cloud... don't forget lightbulbs, too. 72 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,780 Message deleted. 73 00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:23,250 Kadaj, do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France? 74 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:25,350 No. 75 00:09:25,790 --> 00:09:28,020 They call it a Royale with Cheese. 76 00:09:28,530 --> 00:09:29,360 Really? 77 00:09:29,530 --> 00:09:31,330 That's bullshit. 78 00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:34,470 No, it's because of the metric system. 79 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,460 I love the metric system. 80 00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:40,000 Don't cry, that's weird. 81 00:09:46,050 --> 00:09:48,210 Don't forget the mission. 82 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,520 A moment of your time, sir! 83 00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:35,890 Have you heard of the Church of Latter Day Saints? 84 00:10:45,310 --> 00:10:48,070 And you know what he said then? 85 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,570 He started quoting Pulp Fiction! 86 00:10:51,710 --> 00:10:53,300 That movie is so overrated. 87 00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:57,480 Well, yeah, Uma Thurman is hot. 88 00:10:58,890 --> 00:11:00,580 In that weird praying mantis way. 89 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:18,020 By my troth, good fellow, it is I, Sir Barret of Wallace! 90 00:12:18,130 --> 00:12:21,570 I hope this morrow finds you most well! 91 00:12:21,670 --> 00:12:24,870 All is fine in my fiefdom, so I pray that you will forthwith come to visit! 92 00:12:24,970 --> 00:12:26,630 May your humours stay in balance! Farewell! 93 00:12:30,510 --> 00:12:32,570 Also, we're out of eggs. 94 00:12:32,950 --> 00:12:34,680 And I need some, um, you know... 95 00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:39,280 The kind with wings. Thanks. 96 00:13:01,410 --> 00:13:02,710 97 00:13:08,180 --> 00:13:10,120 Wait, my girlfriend's in there! 98 00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:21,290 Rude, tell him! 99 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:32,870 You can win what's behind door #1 if you can just... 100 00:13:41,350 --> 00:13:43,540 Guess what's under this sheet! 101 00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,320 ...Rufus. 102 00:13:53,590 --> 00:13:54,990 Dude, I know it's you. 103 00:14:00,470 --> 00:14:01,400 Okay, lucky guess, now... 104 00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:02,370 You totally died! 105 00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:03,300 No, you see, I'm fine-- 106 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:04,460 There were explosions! 107 00:14:04,570 --> 00:14:04,970 I ducked. 108 00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:06,300 That's RETARDED. 109 00:14:09,410 --> 00:14:11,140 ...well played, Strife. 110 00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:12,200 This is the stupidest-- 111 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:16,650 Don't leave yet, there's something important you have to hear. 112 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,540 The future of everything we know rests on your response. 113 00:14:20,650 --> 00:14:23,210 We are young. Heartache to heartache, we stand. 114 00:14:23,890 --> 00:14:27,590 No promises... No demands... 115 00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:28,990 Do some Toto next! 116 00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:30,990 We are strong. 117 00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:34,330 No one can tell us we're wrong. Searching our hearts for so long. 118 00:14:34,470 --> 00:14:35,960 Come on, do "Africa"! 119 00:14:36,070 --> 00:14:37,630 Both of us knowing... 120 00:14:39,310 --> 00:14:42,710 Love. Love is a battlefield. 121 00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:44,870 You're begging me to go, but 122 00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:50,310 you're making me stay... 123 00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:52,140 Why do you hurt me so bad? 124 00:14:53,020 --> 00:14:55,220 It would help me to know 125 00:14:55,490 --> 00:14:57,120 Do I stand in your way, or-- 126 00:14:57,420 --> 00:14:58,980 Stop. 127 00:14:59,090 --> 00:15:01,990 Or am I the best thing you've had? 128 00:15:03,030 --> 00:15:05,660 Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why. 129 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,100 Please, please stop. 130 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,700 Ask him to do some Debbie Gibson! 131 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,470 But I'm trapped by your love. 132 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,400 And I'm chained to your side. 133 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:20,680 There is my riddle, Mr. Strife. Can you solve it in time? 134 00:15:20,810 --> 00:15:22,580 ...I'm really uncomfortable. 135 00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:24,310 You're the only one, don't you see? 136 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:28,920 Cloud, teach the world to rock again. 137 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,660 Oh, come on... 138 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,920 ...do you really think it's even still possible? 139 00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:40,960 Oh, you admit that you feel it? 140 00:15:41,570 --> 00:15:42,970 Hmm, I guess even you can't deny the soul of rock. 141 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:47,900 I knew you were the one, just as I've known for years... 142 00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:51,210 You may turn your back on us, you may try to run... 143 00:15:52,510 --> 00:15:56,950 Know this: we're starting a rock band. 144 00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:04,190 And you're the only one who can play lead guitar, Cloud. 145 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:13,890 I... 146 00:16:14,030 --> 00:16:18,560 It's going to be awesome! I get to play bass! 147 00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:21,770 Not interested. 148 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:23,610 Reno! 149 00:16:47,370 --> 00:16:49,670 Cloud's living here? 150 00:16:50,340 --> 00:16:52,000 Yeah, he's a bit of a hobo. 151 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,280 What? 152 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,030 It's a slap bracelet! But it's... broken? 153 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:27,930 Oh my god, I remember those. 154 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,570 Why would you take the metal out? 155 00:17:30,810 --> 00:17:32,510 In fourth grade I had one that said "Cowabunga." 156 00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:33,940 You did? 157 00:17:34,050 --> 00:17:34,710 No... 158 00:17:38,050 --> 00:17:39,520 It said... "Cowabunga, *Dudes*"... 159 00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:41,620 Tifa? 160 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:45,850 Let's go home, Marlene. 161 00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:50,660 No! Not until you explain yourself! 162 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,260 ...I guess you deserve as much. 163 00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:01,000 Marlene, do you know what "nostalgia" is? 164 00:18:01,140 --> 00:18:01,840 Yeah! 165 00:18:02,780 --> 00:18:05,600 That's when people think something from the past is cooler than it really was. 166 00:18:05,810 --> 00:18:06,840 Like ironic t-shirts! 167 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,980 Or vintage video games, right? 168 00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:12,880 Exactly! 169 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,020 This is really juvenile, you know. 170 00:18:23,730 --> 00:18:26,700 Please! Just one round, it's all I ask. 171 00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:29,230 It's really the only way I... 172 00:18:29,370 --> 00:18:31,000 I know how to communicate with people. 173 00:18:31,770 --> 00:18:33,260 Please, just one round... 174 00:18:34,710 --> 00:18:36,140 Promise? 175 00:18:37,210 --> 00:18:38,270 I promise. 176 00:18:40,550 --> 00:18:42,780 Fine, I tap these for two black mana. 177 00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:51,350 That's not how the game works. 178 00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:53,990 Oh, god, excuse me for not being a nerd. 179 00:18:54,930 --> 00:18:58,190 I was busy *not* making out with my d20s in 8th grade. 180 00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:00,230 My d20s... 181 00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:04,000 You see, me, and my brother Daryl, and my other brother Daryl 182 00:19:04,470 --> 00:19:06,530 We sat at the lunch table with the cool kids 183 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,470 and never once jerked off to the Monsterous Manual. 184 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:14,940 You're such a nerd that I've lost my train of thought... 185 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:16,540 I never... 186 00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:18,540 Please, an adult is talking. 187 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,150 Do you know what your problem is, chump? 188 00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:24,120 You have no sense of perspective... 189 00:19:24,220 --> 00:19:26,990 You spend all your time wrapped up in your fantasy world... 190 00:19:27,790 --> 00:19:30,320 And you never even... 191 00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:32,870 Do you even have a real job? 192 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,730 The comic book shop doesn't count. 193 00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:40,970 The record store, either. 194 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,410 I mean a real job, with a desk, and real responsibility. 195 00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,440 With dental insurance! 196 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,080 Until you have these things 197 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,380 you don't really know what it's like to be a grown-up. 198 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,090 ...I, I have dental insurance. 199 00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:01,120 You're going to make me do this the hard way, aren't you? 200 00:20:50,110 --> 00:20:51,870 This giant phallic object... 201 00:20:54,110 --> 00:20:55,950 ...means its time for obligatory gay jokes. 202 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,550 Ever thing about being in a movie? You know, a "movie"? 203 00:20:59,650 --> 00:21:01,310 Biggest one you've ever seen, huh? 204 00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:04,480 Do you ever think you're going with girls because you're supposed to? 205 00:21:04,590 --> 00:21:06,580 We're "friends", right? 206 00:21:06,690 --> 00:21:08,590 Cloud, run! 207 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:42,590 Excuse me, ladies. 208 00:21:46,730 --> 00:21:48,430 I'd just like a few moments of your time. 209 00:21:51,140 --> 00:21:52,470 The Book of Mormon is-- 210 00:22:01,150 --> 00:22:01,940 My allergies! 211 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:05,750 Do you have a Claritin? 212 00:22:05,850 --> 00:22:06,750 I thought you people couldn't take medicine. 213 00:22:08,890 --> 00:22:11,190 That's *Christian Scientists*, stupid. 214 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:26,960 It's time to *witness*! 215 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:44,010 Tifa! 216 00:24:13,150 --> 00:24:14,940 God, I've told you! 217 00:24:16,820 --> 00:24:18,010 Metahumor is *lame*! 218 00:24:20,290 --> 00:24:21,020 Got it. 219 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:22,550 Thank you, Elder. 220 00:24:28,230 --> 00:24:28,990 Time to finish this. 221 00:25:28,150 --> 00:25:29,050 Cloud... 222 00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:30,950 Run! 223 00:25:39,370 --> 00:25:40,990 So, how much? 224 00:25:45,510 --> 00:25:46,770 Can't be more than 5 gil, let's go. 225 00:26:39,860 --> 00:26:40,480 Tifa? 226 00:26:43,430 --> 00:26:44,090 Tifa! 227 00:26:51,570 --> 00:26:52,560 S-Shadow Moses... 228 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:54,170 Who did this? 229 00:26:56,810 --> 00:26:57,970 Mm... Meryl... 230 00:27:00,250 --> 00:27:01,010 Liquid?! 231 00:27:10,220 --> 00:27:11,050 Wrong game! 232 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:23,360 Don't worry. 233 00:28:24,300 --> 00:28:27,060 You're still a virgin. We checked. 234 00:28:28,070 --> 00:28:29,300 Twice. 235 00:28:33,910 --> 00:28:34,870 Don't be sad. 236 00:28:38,750 --> 00:28:39,510 I... 237 00:28:50,660 --> 00:28:52,280 Whatever, go post on your LiveJournal. 238 00:29:07,140 --> 00:29:09,070 You two are really obsessed. 239 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,050 I mean, Marsellus Wallace's briefcase? 240 00:29:18,220 --> 00:29:22,880 This probably won't make me feel a goddamned thing like Samuel L. Jackson. 241 00:29:48,350 --> 00:29:50,150 Current mood: sad. 242 00:29:55,860 --> 00:29:58,950 It's like that Bon Jovi song... isn't it? 243 00:30:00,930 --> 00:30:03,760 You're a cowboy, on a steel horse you ride. 244 00:30:09,270 --> 00:30:10,000 You're wanted. 245 00:30:11,700 --> 00:30:12,860 Dead or alive. 246 00:30:13,740 --> 00:30:16,270 But it's your life, Cloud! It's now or never! 247 00:30:17,210 --> 00:30:19,410 You're not going to live forever! 248 00:30:19,550 --> 00:30:21,740 You've just got to live while you're alive! 249 00:30:25,950 --> 00:30:28,650 But... I guess it's *your* life. 250 00:30:29,190 --> 00:30:29,990 I can't... 251 00:30:32,090 --> 00:30:34,360 I can't listen to you anymore. 252 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:39,050 I'm just going to pretend that you're making bee noises. 253 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:40,130 Starting now. 254 00:30:43,740 --> 00:30:45,500 255 00:30:50,610 --> 00:30:52,370 256 00:30:53,550 --> 00:30:56,280 God, you two make Amish teens look like hardcore porn. 257 00:30:56,750 --> 00:30:57,910 Christ, when did you get here? 258 00:30:58,650 --> 00:31:03,180 We have always been here. We will always be here. 259 00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:04,890 What does that mean? 260 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:06,850 Someone forgot his keys. 261 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:09,260 (It was Reno.) 262 00:31:23,180 --> 00:31:27,340 Okay, kids, are we all excited to be here today? 263 00:31:28,250 --> 00:31:29,770 Your principal asked me to all talk to you about 264 00:31:31,380 --> 00:31:33,650 the dangers of SMOKING. 265 00:31:36,890 --> 00:31:40,120 Statistics show that child tobacco use is up. 266 00:31:41,830 --> 00:31:42,420 That's right. 267 00:31:44,130 --> 00:31:46,190 If the studies are correct... 268 00:31:47,500 --> 00:31:49,060 One out of every three of you... 269 00:31:49,170 --> 00:31:52,900 has smoked or will start smoking within the next year. 270 00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:55,740 But... 271 00:31:58,010 --> 00:32:00,500 I'm here to show you the consequences! 272 00:32:01,710 --> 00:32:04,740 It's trying to stunt our growth! 273 00:32:05,990 --> 00:32:10,550 That's why our bodies hurt and our hearts seem to give up. 274 00:32:13,790 --> 00:32:15,690 I'll cure you. 275 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,130 This water represents a sacred oath 276 00:32:19,530 --> 00:32:23,400 that you will not smoke tobacco until your graduation day. 277 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:30,500 Follow my lead, kids. 278 00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:18,380 Denzel! 279 00:33:23,300 --> 00:33:23,890 Denzel!! 280 00:34:06,210 --> 00:34:07,400 Hey, there, loser! 281 00:34:10,010 --> 00:34:12,640 I heard that your momma's so fat... 282 00:34:14,410 --> 00:34:16,000 ...when she broke her leg, gravy came out! 283 00:34:17,980 --> 00:34:18,970 Dis! 284 00:34:20,220 --> 00:34:22,200 Anyway, does this look like the end of Final Fantasy 8 to you? 285 00:34:24,390 --> 00:34:27,660 Yeah, a little. 286 00:34:29,330 --> 00:34:31,850 Okay, a lot. 287 00:34:33,730 --> 00:34:35,200 Man, *that* game was awesome. 288 00:35:24,980 --> 00:35:26,250 Hello, Mr. Moonpants! 289 00:35:26,590 --> 00:35:27,950 Excuse me, madam, I-- 290 00:35:28,150 --> 00:35:31,280 Does Marsellus Wallace look like a bitch? 291 00:35:31,860 --> 00:35:36,120 Does Marsellus Wallacue LOOK like a BITCH? 292 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:40,230 Well, does he!? 293 00:35:43,740 --> 00:35:44,830 Cloud! 294 00:38:04,740 --> 00:38:06,870 ...and then they made me their chief. 295 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:10,680 Anyway, uh, long time no see. 296 00:38:13,420 --> 00:38:14,850 Same to you, tiger. 297 00:38:17,720 --> 00:38:20,060 I've been keeping myself busy with, you know... 298 00:38:22,190 --> 00:38:23,020 DIRGE OF CERBERUS 299 00:38:24,100 --> 00:38:28,690 Have you heard of it? I'm sure you haven't. 300 00:38:31,870 --> 00:38:34,840 In 2006, you will reach new levels of intensity. 301 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,780 DIRGE OF CERBERUS will rock you to your core. 302 00:38:41,450 --> 00:38:43,240 Dirge of... what? 303 00:38:43,950 --> 00:38:47,010 Allow me to expand your vocabulary. 304 00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:49,220 DIRGE: 305 00:38:51,690 --> 00:38:52,720 A funeral hymn or lament. 306 00:38:53,860 --> 00:38:55,090 CERBERUS: 307 00:38:55,860 --> 00:38:58,330 A three-headed hound guarding the entrance to Hades. 308 00:38:59,230 --> 00:39:01,200 What do you get when you combine the two? 309 00:39:02,770 --> 00:39:04,030 You get a DIRGE OF CERBERUS. 310 00:39:05,870 --> 00:39:07,860 And that is... 311 00:39:08,540 --> 00:39:09,240 What is it? 312 00:39:10,410 --> 00:39:11,380 You'll find out for yourself. 313 00:39:11,910 --> 00:39:14,070 ...also, in my spare time I've taken up crocheting. 314 00:39:15,010 --> 00:39:17,310 It's really nice that you can have a hobby. 315 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:21,210 I've made some rather fabulous shawls. 316 00:39:21,420 --> 00:39:22,050 Do you want me to teach you? 317 00:39:22,990 --> 00:39:25,960 I'm also learning how to knit. 318 00:39:27,830 --> 00:39:28,820 Thanks, but... 319 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:30,820 ....No thanks. 320 00:39:31,700 --> 00:39:33,690 You don't know what you're missing out on. 321 00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:46,670 Marlene! 322 00:39:46,850 --> 00:39:49,180 Cloud! I want a shawl! 323 00:39:49,420 --> 00:39:50,640 I don't have one. 324 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:52,470 God, you're useless! 325 00:39:58,160 --> 00:39:58,890 Is that a satin lining? 326 00:40:01,390 --> 00:40:02,620 That's some nice work. 327 00:40:05,030 --> 00:40:08,060 Vincent, why don't you two discuss this in private? 328 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:10,740 Handicrafts make me uncomfortable. 329 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:11,630 Knitting's not that hard... 330 00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:12,290 Really, I... 331 00:40:13,570 --> 00:40:14,830 You're just scared because you think it's trendy! 332 00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:17,700 Is doing something that other people like *that* bad? 333 00:40:21,950 --> 00:40:22,680 Marlene... 334 00:40:23,650 --> 00:40:25,010 Tifa talked to you about nostalgia, right? 335 00:40:25,450 --> 00:40:27,480 The knitting trend is a lot like that. 336 00:40:27,690 --> 00:40:29,550 Only I think it's a lot gayer. 337 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:30,480 And I have issues, remember? 338 00:40:30,790 --> 00:40:32,020 How could I forget! 339 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:35,350 Cloud. Remember. DIRGE OF CERBERUS. 340 00:40:37,700 --> 00:40:38,490 What does that even mean? 341 00:40:38,860 --> 00:40:40,420 Someone forgot his keys. 342 00:40:41,900 --> 00:40:42,630 (It was Reno.) 343 00:40:46,740 --> 00:40:47,500 Okay, you do that. 344 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:55,940 I need to be around normal people. 345 00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:57,410 Stop! 346 00:40:58,580 --> 00:40:59,480 I know what this is about! 347 00:40:59,720 --> 00:41:02,240 All you've ever wanted is for me to be more like *her*! 348 00:41:02,460 --> 00:41:04,950 You know I can't be, but that's what it is. 349 00:41:05,060 --> 00:41:06,290 Admit it, it's true, isn't it? 350 00:41:06,390 --> 00:41:09,050 Well, fine, then, I'll be like her! 351 00:41:09,260 --> 00:41:11,860 I heard that your momma is so, so fat 352 00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,560 that she broke her leg and hot bloody fat sprayed everywhere! 353 00:41:14,970 --> 00:41:16,130 Some of it even got on the mayor! 354 00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,700 That's just what I heard, I don't know if it's true. 355 00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,870 That was disturbingly erotic. 356 00:41:34,050 --> 00:41:38,080 Don't you see how bad I am at the dozens? 357 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:47,630 Please, god... let me hear everyone as bees. 358 00:41:49,070 --> 00:41:51,160 359 00:41:51,900 --> 00:41:52,700 Hey... 360 00:41:53,140 --> 00:41:54,830 I always liked knitting. 361 00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,470 Does it require special equipment? 362 00:42:01,980 --> 00:42:03,240 Try your local arts and crafts store. 363 00:42:03,780 --> 00:42:04,480 Arts... 364 00:42:05,890 --> 00:42:06,540 and crafts...? 365 00:42:11,990 --> 00:42:13,420 Marlene, we're going shopping 366 00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:18,900 I'll try it. 367 00:42:20,070 --> 00:42:21,360 It better not make me gay. 368 00:42:41,550 --> 00:42:45,580 Remember me? I'm Reeve! 369 00:42:46,590 --> 00:42:49,560 You should be aware that I am also 370 00:42:50,060 --> 00:42:51,720 appearing in DIRGE OF CERBERUS. 371 00:42:52,700 --> 00:42:53,960 The hottest new release of 2006! 372 00:42:54,100 --> 00:42:56,730 Reserve your copy today! 373 00:42:56,840 --> 00:42:58,030 Long time no see! It's Yuffie! 374 00:42:58,140 --> 00:43:00,700 Did you hear that hentai doujinshi is no longer paying scale? 375 00:43:00,810 --> 00:43:02,100 I am so going on strike! See you soon! 376 00:43:02,210 --> 00:43:05,700 377 00:43:10,820 --> 00:43:14,750 I promise never to talk about your mother again. 378 00:43:15,590 --> 00:43:19,250 Just please, please remember to pick up lightbulbs. 379 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:00,400 Hey! Joseph Smith was a fraud! 380 00:44:00,500 --> 00:44:01,930 The Plates of Meroni were a sham! 381 00:44:51,850 --> 00:44:52,480 Denzel! 382 00:44:58,420 --> 00:44:58,910 Denzel! 383 00:44:59,690 --> 00:45:00,350 Denzel! 384 00:45:21,780 --> 00:45:23,110 Hey, you need a permit for that. 385 00:45:33,290 --> 00:45:36,280 Oh, we filled out all the right forms. 386 00:45:36,700 --> 00:45:37,390 Form 11-C? 387 00:45:38,100 --> 00:45:43,660 Was that the pink one? We definitely did the pink ones. 388 00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,000 Nope, sorry, it's the red one! 389 00:45:47,110 --> 00:45:48,870 You'll have to do it again. 390 00:45:49,140 --> 00:45:51,510 We'll escort you back to the planning office. 391 00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:57,340 You know what? I think we're just going to skip the permit. 392 00:46:07,290 --> 00:46:08,690 BUREAUCRACY!! 393 00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:13,600 Okay, keep listening. 394 00:46:14,430 --> 00:46:15,990 We've rolled your character, we're almost done.. 395 00:46:17,270 --> 00:46:19,000 I'm a Tremere. 396 00:46:20,470 --> 00:46:25,740 When you take a character Merit, you also have to take an equal number of points in Flaws. 397 00:46:26,150 --> 00:46:27,670 It makes for a balanced character, understand? 398 00:46:29,450 --> 00:46:33,150 Like, the Unnatural Beauty Merit And the Totally Crazy Flaw? 399 00:46:33,990 --> 00:46:35,390 Just like Sephiroth. 400 00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:38,250 ...basically. 401 00:46:38,790 --> 00:46:40,050 You know what?. 402 00:46:40,290 --> 00:46:41,320 What? 403 00:46:41,860 --> 00:46:43,990 I want to be the Storyteller! 404 00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:47,690 It's not fair that you get to hide 405 00:46:49,740 --> 00:46:50,930 underneath that drape and look at 406 00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:54,500 everyone's character sheets! 407 00:46:55,370 --> 00:46:57,210 I'm not really--... 408 00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:01,500 I even have a great idea for a campaign. 409 00:47:02,180 --> 00:47:05,580 It'll be about a party of rag-tag and mismatched heroes 410 00:47:06,190 --> 00:47:09,590 who band together to save the world from certain doom. 411 00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:13,250 No one will have ever seen anything like it before. 412 00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:18,260 I will entirely show you nerds up at your own stupid game. 413 00:47:18,460 --> 00:47:21,230 Every loser will play my game, 414 00:47:21,470 --> 00:47:25,900 And I will win at every round. 415 00:47:27,110 --> 00:47:29,970 I keep telling, you, you don't 'win'-- 416 00:47:30,940 --> 00:47:36,140 I am the game master, *and* I have dental insurance! 417 00:47:38,150 --> 00:47:40,580 ...Okay, good, then have a few pieces of taffy and calm down. 418 00:47:41,420 --> 00:47:44,450 It's good saltwater taffy, isn't it? It's home made. 419 00:47:46,090 --> 00:47:49,150 Reno and Rude are not only fine bodyguards and goons, 420 00:47:49,390 --> 00:47:51,790 they're also a first class pair of taffy-pullers. 421 00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:55,760 I used to own the factory that made the taffy. 422 00:47:56,030 --> 00:47:58,730 It was my pride and joy, but it's gone now. 423 00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:01,960 But mark my words, I will have it back. 424 00:48:02,710 --> 00:48:06,770 I will have it back, and more. 425 00:48:07,750 --> 00:48:12,840 Do you suddenly hear choppers? I hear a chopper. 426 00:48:14,290 --> 00:48:16,520 Shit, it's making me flash back to 'Nam. 427 00:48:17,220 --> 00:48:22,520 What? You were never in 'Nam. You're not even-- 428 00:48:27,430 --> 00:48:33,390 I will not sit by and watch another marine die to live by those fucking rules!! 429 00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:40,270 Denzel, run, stupid! 430 00:50:15,410 --> 00:50:17,030 431 00:50:27,850 --> 00:50:28,910 Want cotton candy? 432 00:50:29,090 --> 00:50:30,080 Race ya. 433 00:51:02,750 --> 00:51:03,520 Do they have the blue kind?! 434 00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:05,290 I hope so! 435 00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:45,760 We found our permits. 436 00:51:46,030 --> 00:51:47,520 Let me notorize it! 437 00:51:53,910 --> 00:51:56,070 It needs to be signed in triplicate! 438 00:51:58,510 --> 00:52:03,540 I'll do that, but first, have you ever considered attending Brigham Young University? 439 00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:11,310 You guys... 440 00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:14,420 Does it bother you that your religion is a sham? 441 00:52:26,340 --> 00:52:29,100 What kind of God would deny you coffee and tea? 442 00:52:30,380 --> 00:52:32,900 It's not that bad. We have have soda. 443 00:52:37,550 --> 00:52:42,040 It's really about living a good life and helping. No one believes in the angels from space. 444 00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:45,090 Want some literature? 445 00:53:00,140 --> 00:53:03,700 You know, all that's well and good, but y'all still wear magic underwear. 446 00:53:03,910 --> 00:53:04,470 Hey! 447 00:53:04,980 --> 00:53:06,910 We're not supposed to talk about that! 448 00:53:07,010 --> 00:53:08,380 It's deeply sacred! 449 00:53:11,380 --> 00:53:12,780 ...sorry. 450 00:53:13,820 --> 00:53:17,120 That's right... Wait, why are we apologizing?! 451 00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:07,900 Tifa? 452 00:54:13,350 --> 00:54:14,440 You bastard! 453 00:54:28,190 --> 00:54:29,720 Tend to the lady, young squire! 454 00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:30,750 Barret! 455 00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:34,530 Is my maiden child still well? 456 00:54:49,150 --> 00:54:50,880 oh shits guys help 457 00:55:21,250 --> 00:55:22,240 Ugh. 458 00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:25,750 Suckin' dick bought this shuriken! 459 00:55:25,850 --> 00:55:27,410 That's my girl. 460 00:55:27,590 --> 00:55:28,850 So bring it on! 461 00:55:31,090 --> 00:55:32,020 She single? 462 00:55:43,670 --> 00:55:46,030 Whiskey and handjobs for all my men! 463 00:55:47,110 --> 00:55:49,300 For I'm Cid Highwind, Lord of the Skies! 464 00:55:50,610 --> 00:55:51,730 DIRGE OF CERBERUS 465 00:55:55,180 --> 00:55:55,910 Is *she* single? 466 00:55:56,350 --> 00:55:57,780 So out of your league. 467 00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:10,190 Marlene is safe. She's at the bead store. 468 00:56:11,030 --> 00:56:11,590 Thank god. 469 00:56:12,930 --> 00:56:14,230 If you bought nine beads, the tenth was free. 470 00:56:15,100 --> 00:56:15,660 Huh? 471 00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:21,410 I bought twenty. I'm going to make a bracelet. 472 00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:29,170 Wow, I want to go to that store! 473 00:56:29,950 --> 00:56:31,180 Maybe I can learn how to make a lanyard! 474 00:56:34,350 --> 00:56:36,580 You're my inspiriation, miss! 475 00:58:37,340 --> 00:58:38,710 You tarried long enough, sirrah! 476 00:59:43,940 --> 00:59:47,940 I roll 20s! I have a natural 25 in kicking ass, bitches! 477 00:59:56,650 --> 00:59:58,420 What the-- 478 00:59:58,620 --> 01:00:00,420 *I* rock out with my cock out, nerd. 479 01:00:14,170 --> 01:00:15,640 Tally ho! 480 01:00:26,150 --> 01:00:28,050 481 01:00:35,130 --> 01:00:36,530 482 01:00:38,300 --> 01:00:39,460 483 01:00:51,380 --> 01:00:52,400 DIRGE 484 01:01:01,890 --> 01:01:02,850 Yo momma! 485 01:01:41,260 --> 01:01:41,880 486 01:02:34,110 --> 01:02:34,980 My dice! 487 01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:43,710 The band! 488 01:06:49,130 --> 01:06:51,030 Hey, Rude. 489 01:06:52,100 --> 01:06:56,130 Do you know what rules? 490 01:06:57,140 --> 01:06:59,410 No, Reno, I can't say I know what rules. 491 01:06:59,540 --> 01:07:00,980 Go on, guess what rules. 492 01:07:02,150 --> 01:07:04,670 I wouldn't want to deny you your one joy in life. 493 01:07:05,020 --> 01:07:06,480 You mean that? 494 01:07:07,420 --> 01:07:08,910 Your happiness is important to me. 495 01:07:10,350 --> 01:07:12,910 In that case... San Dimas Highschool Football *Rules*! 496 01:08:27,100 --> 01:08:27,790 My dice? 497 01:08:41,850 --> 01:08:42,470 My dice!! 498 01:08:44,280 --> 01:08:46,110 MY DICE!! 499 01:10:30,320 --> 01:10:32,310 I'm Jesus now, Cloud. 500 01:11:02,250 --> 01:11:05,350 I don't even really have dental insurance. 501 01:11:06,360 --> 01:11:07,920 What are you talking about? 502 01:11:11,030 --> 01:11:12,500 I'm even a smoker. 503 01:11:14,870 --> 01:11:17,530 ...Well, okay, that's nice for you. 504 01:11:20,540 --> 01:11:23,700 I actually think Pulp Fiction is great. 505 01:11:28,910 --> 01:11:30,400 I'm just... 506 01:11:32,650 --> 01:11:33,340 a huge poser! 507 01:11:59,710 --> 01:12:02,010 Cloud, I brought you your balls! 508 01:12:03,510 --> 01:12:04,540 Watch it, OLD MAN. 509 01:12:04,680 --> 01:12:06,410 Fine pilot! Prithee, quick to terra firma! 510 01:12:06,520 --> 01:12:08,950 Maybe you can quick to my dick, okay? 511 01:12:09,690 --> 01:12:11,120 DIRGE OF CERBERUS 512 01:12:12,220 --> 01:12:13,250 Wha?! 513 01:12:13,660 --> 01:12:15,390 Nothing. Does that pretty lady remind you of anyone? 514 01:12:16,860 --> 01:12:18,590 I mean, the one with the silver hair, not the blond. 515 01:12:18,960 --> 01:12:21,360 Oh! I know! I totally... um. 516 01:12:21,470 --> 01:12:23,020 oh dogg the girl has no clue 517 01:12:23,130 --> 01:12:25,400 The astute observer might note he resembles Sephiroth. 518 01:12:25,670 --> 01:12:29,440 Do you think Cloud has noticed? 519 01:12:30,910 --> 01:12:31,930 Oh, hell no. 520 01:12:32,680 --> 01:12:33,340 Boy ain't bright.... 521 01:12:35,350 --> 01:12:36,710 Let's... leave them alone. 522 01:12:36,850 --> 01:12:39,710 I don't get it! Explain! 523 01:12:39,820 --> 01:12:41,150 Maybe when you're older. 524 01:12:41,290 --> 01:12:43,120 Discrimination! Discrimnaaation~ 525 01:12:43,350 --> 01:12:45,250 oh damn people don't fight! 526 01:12:45,360 --> 01:12:47,050 Your fine elders also lack comprehension! 527 01:12:47,490 --> 01:12:48,320 Cloud kind of has issues... 528 01:12:50,260 --> 01:12:53,560 I mean, I'm sure you've all noticed at least some of them... 529 01:12:54,700 --> 01:12:59,230 You know, with all of the flowing hair, and the phallic weapons, he's a little sensitive about... 530 01:13:00,000 --> 01:13:02,370 Well, let's just say he might be into knitting. 531 01:13:03,310 --> 01:13:05,670 Aye, 'tis a craft of the fop and strumpet. 532 01:13:05,810 --> 01:13:08,970 As long as he's not beading. That's way gay. 533 01:13:10,250 --> 01:13:11,240 Yeah, kinda. 534 01:14:27,720 --> 01:14:31,680 Okay, bitch, it's on now. 535 01:14:52,620 --> 01:14:55,810 Hey there, dollface. 536 01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:12,830 Your skin looks fabulous. 537 01:15:15,010 --> 01:15:16,170 You must exfoliate. 538 01:15:16,570 --> 01:15:19,040 Um, a little, but that doesn't mean-- 539 01:15:19,940 --> 01:15:22,740 It's clear that you've learned the importance of grooming. 540 01:15:23,550 --> 01:15:26,610 I can tell just by looking at you that you... 541 01:15:27,350 --> 01:15:29,980 You cleanse, you exfoliate, you moisturize. 542 01:15:30,850 --> 01:15:33,350 You've made me proud, Cloud. 543 01:15:34,390 --> 01:15:37,950 I have long dreamed of knowing someone as lovely as me. 544 01:15:39,830 --> 01:15:42,460 And you, you are that man. 545 01:15:49,840 --> 01:15:52,970 Maybe we could have some coffee later. 546 01:15:53,310 --> 01:15:56,180 You could meet my knitting circle. 547 01:15:56,680 --> 01:15:58,240 I don't knit. I crochet. 548 01:15:58,780 --> 01:16:02,010 It's all the same, deep down, don't you know? 549 01:16:23,940 --> 01:16:25,200 Jesus?! 550 01:17:10,890 --> 01:17:13,950 Oho... Is that new conditioner, too? 551 01:17:14,390 --> 01:17:16,090 I don't feel good about this line of questioning. 552 01:17:51,560 --> 01:17:54,050 Should I get some scones ready for our coffee? 553 01:18:01,140 --> 01:18:02,700 Or are you more a muffin guy? 554 01:18:13,380 --> 01:18:17,080 I guess I can get both, and we can just nibble. 555 01:19:53,720 --> 01:19:55,710 Which do you prefer? 556 01:19:59,120 --> 01:20:01,180 Acrylic blends or 100% cotton yarn? 557 01:20:09,170 --> 01:20:13,160 Only a fool would use acrylic. 558 01:20:20,210 --> 01:20:22,040 And it's an insult to the craft! 559 01:20:47,440 --> 01:20:50,900 We'll have that coffee later. 560 01:20:57,010 --> 01:20:58,410 I... 561 01:20:59,650 --> 01:21:01,640 I'll bake lemon squares. 562 01:21:32,580 --> 01:21:33,610 Oh, snap. 563 01:21:36,390 --> 01:21:37,350 Kadaj? 564 01:21:39,960 --> 01:21:40,580 Huh? 565 01:21:52,200 --> 01:21:55,400 Your mother is so fat... 566 01:22:00,980 --> 01:22:03,100 How... how fat is she? 567 01:22:04,750 --> 01:22:07,510 She's so fat she fell in love, and broke it. 568 01:22:09,920 --> 01:22:10,610 It's true. 569 01:23:32,770 --> 01:23:34,000 Awesome! That was totally predicatable! 570 01:23:34,100 --> 01:23:35,590 A happy morrow we will have! 571 01:23:35,710 --> 01:23:37,760 man the dude has no mercy 572 01:23:37,870 --> 01:23:39,930 Cloud can do anything if he puts his mind to it! 573 01:23:40,040 --> 01:23:41,740 Shut up and hold on, bitches! 574 01:23:51,250 --> 01:23:55,020 Why is there a spoon up there? 575 01:23:56,290 --> 01:23:57,490 That's weird, Cid. 576 01:24:39,000 --> 01:24:42,300 We'll have fun in heaven without you. 577 01:24:47,080 --> 01:24:50,210 Should have taken the literature... 578 01:25:16,070 --> 01:25:17,100 Cloud! 579 01:25:23,580 --> 01:25:25,980 Tell me, are *you* single? 580 01:26:01,850 --> 01:26:02,780 Mother...? 581 01:26:04,620 --> 01:26:05,680 Again! 582 01:26:06,090 --> 01:26:09,220 I can't be yo momma, because I don't suck dick for crack. 583 01:26:11,690 --> 01:26:14,090 His mother really does have a problem with that. 584 01:26:15,330 --> 01:26:17,930 I keep telling him, but he won't believe it. 585 01:26:19,370 --> 01:26:23,930 Maybe it's best he stay in denial for now. 586 01:27:21,930 --> 01:27:23,160 Jesus told us... 587 01:27:23,570 --> 01:27:25,500 She said your mom was a ho. 588 01:27:28,270 --> 01:27:29,470 It's so true! 589 01:27:40,320 --> 01:27:41,250 Yeah... it is. 590 01:27:45,260 --> 01:27:47,780 There's a young man here with some beading questions. 591 01:27:48,890 --> 01:27:49,760 It's okay. 592 01:27:56,930 --> 01:27:59,530 Ask him whatever you need. 593 01:28:02,870 --> 01:28:04,670 No one will judge you now. 594 01:28:06,510 --> 01:28:07,500 Try your best. 595 01:29:00,530 --> 01:29:02,460 EVERYONE INTO THE POOL! 596 01:29:02,570 --> 01:29:03,730 It's cured, it's cured! 597 01:29:51,850 --> 01:29:55,480 You're all right now, aren't you? 598 01:30:16,610 --> 01:30:17,270 Yeah. 599 01:30:20,080 --> 01:30:20,970 I'm... 600 01:30:23,480 --> 01:30:24,710 I'm a knitter.