[22:28] season 2 is when wolfram and hart bring back darla and she's human and angel turns her good but she's dying and them drusilla vamps her again, shit breaks bad and angel turns all megagloomy and he fucks darla and gets happier and then darla comes back all knocked up [22:29] paranthetically at the end of season 2 they go into narnia where lorne is from and meet fred who joins the gang [22:29] which one is darla [22:29] i recognise the name [22:30] the one who sired Angel [22:30] blonde [22:31] oh yes [22:31] so while this is going on Simon Belmont appears from the uberpast and he's gone bitter and horrible on account of angelus killed his family way back when [22:31] oh no! [22:32] once the baby is born angel raises it for a while and then this demon let's call him Bill because his name is unspellable works with wolfram and hart to get angel to kill the baby [22:32] does angel have a son at some poit [22:32] primarily by spiking angel's drinking blood with the baby's blood [22:32] point [22:32] yeah with darla [22:32] i remember a douchebag with long hair [22:33] she staked herself so the baby was born [22:33] yeah so like [22:33] Bill went back into the Past and made a fake prophecy that angel would kill his son [22:34] so combined with angel acting all kind of evil since his blood's been spiked, wesley find the prophecy and kidnaps the baby [22:34] i remember the prophecy [22:34] then Simon Belment's bitch slits wes's throat and takes the baby [22:34] lots of shit breaks bad and Simon Belmont takes the baby into a hell dimension [22:34] Angel tries to kill wesley, that was a fucking gripping part [22:35] o so that is when wes dies [22:35] he's all in the hospital recovering from the neck slitting and he can't talk [22:35] no no [22:35] oh just taken out [22:35] kk [22:35] and angel comes in and is like [22:35] "I understand why you did that [22:35] " [22:35] oh i think i remember this bit [22:35] it was weird [22:35] "and I want you to understand that right now I'm Angel not angelus" [22:35] i did not understand what was happening [22:35] and then he rushes the bed and tries to kill him [22:36] it was really really well done because like [22:36] he was pissed off and raging in a way that Angelus never would [22:36] he was willing to kill a human but he really was Angel [22:36] so wes gets ostracised and he gets all gritty and starts fucking the enemy [22:36] dun dun daaa and such [22:37] when you say fucking [22:37] I mean fucking [22:37] nice [22:37] there's a evil girl lawyer and they start fucking [22:37] they like [22:37] demon sex is the best sex [22:37] have almost zero relationship apart from that and they both know it but there's also an underlying deeper thing [22:38] it's a Joss Whedon Unhealthy Sexual Relationship (TM) [22:38] the old JWUSR [22:38] we've all been there! [22:38] meanwhile everyone else is off with something or other [22:38] eventually angel's baby comes back from the hell dimension all growed up into a fucking UNIMAGINABLY DICKISH little shit [22:39] I read on tvtropes or something that his personality can be summed up as "hateful and gullible" [22:39] which is quite right [22:39] that is the douchey long hair man [22:39] yes [22:39] though [22:39] when you say long [22:39] i think i saw him die [22:39] medium [22:39] you mean not quite shoulder length [22:39] yes [22:39] light brownish [22:39] a fucking ponce [22:40] yes [22:40] so he's all hey what's up father I hate you [22:40] I was raised to hate you by Simon Belmont also I have vampire strength [22:40] Simon Belmont comes back from the hell dimension too [22:40] what a dik [22:40] and he makes it look like angel killed him [22:40] ck [22:40] even [22:41] and so connor, the evil dickshit, locks angel in an iron box and sinks him in the bay [22:41] oh and for a while cordelia and angel have been gradually getting closer and closer [22:41] and she's got all this shit going on with the visions she inherited from Irish [22:41] i remember that [22:42] the "powers that be" keep sending her messages and she [22:42] shit [22:42] yeah [22:42] as connor is sinking Angel in the bay she's off ascending to a higher plane [22:42] i hated that shit but go on [22:42] that's the end of season 3 [22:42] season 4 starts with wesley dredging the bay for angel [22:42] i really need to go to bed [22:42] hang on [22:43] it gets simpler [22:43] can we continue another time [22:43] okay go [22:43] so wesley finds angel and brings him up [22:43] meanwhile connor, gunn and fred are all that's left of the group and they've been doing shit all summer, they don't know what connor did [22:43] so angel's been down there all summer with no blood and no nothing [22:44] wesley brings him back to the hotel and leaves [22:44] so is he all thin and withered [22:44] angel gets all DADDY'S HOME YOU LITTLE SHIT and kicks connor out of the hotel [22:44] just really super pale [22:44] wesley lets him almost drain his own blood [22:44] er [22:44] oof [22:44] almost drain ALL of his own blood [22:44] yeah i got that [22:45] so blah blah blah shit happens then a Baron of Hell from Doom shows up and is like uber demon [22:45] meanwhile cordelia's back from the great beyond only, and we don't know this for almost the entire season, but she's being posessed by zoe from firefly [22:45] who's an evil Power That Be that wants to be back on earth [22:46] zoe [22:46] the spunky black one? [22:46] the strong black chick [22:46] yeah [22:46] kk [22:46] so Evil Cordy seduces Connor [22:46] it's all Oedipal [22:46] apparently connor's impossible vampire birth was engineered so he could fuck Zoe/Cordy [22:47] so Zoe could give birth to herseld [22:47] herself [22:47] i see [22:47] while this is happening Baron of Hell is tearing LA a new one [22:47] and since Angel knew Baron of Hell way back when [22:47] should shoot him until he dies [22:47] they have to turn him into Angelus [22:47] and the fans cheer because fuck yeah angelus [22:47] oh so he gets laid [22:48] good for him [22:48] they make him think he gets laid [22:48] actually we learn in the course of the show that it has to be perfect happiness PLUS orgasm [22:48] he fucks darla when he's feeling like shit and he doesn't turn [22:48] i thought they were the same [22:48] oh hah [22:48] that's gotta be a dick in the face for her [22:48] they bring in a chinese guy who is like I TURN ANGEL NOW [22:49] and there's a cool episode where the chinese guy's spell doesn't work, angel and gang go and find a way to kill Baron of Hell, connor loves him again and then cordy fucks him [22:49] then it's revealed that was all an illusion that happened in the space of like three seconds in order to give him perfect happiness [22:50] keep going i'm brb [22:50] and he's back with the chinese guy as angelus [22:50] so angelus is in a cage in the hotel and of course he breaks out [22:51] so wesley has to go get Faith who's in prison and she busts out of prison and after Angelus kills Baron of Hell effortlessly she subdues him (by injecting Magic Heroin and then letting him bite her, so then he gets knocked out too) [22:52] while all this happened cordelia kills wes's lawyer girlfriend but they don't know it was her [22:52] so willow shows up yay cameo and reensouls Angel [22:53] Cordy takes Connor away and gets him to kidnap and subdue a virgin for her [22:53] Cordy kills the virgin in a dark birthing ritual and then Zoe pops out [22:53] name of Jasmien [22:54] Jasmine turns out to be this super beautiful goddess-like creature who turns anyone who sees her or hears her voice into worshipful followers [22:54] including the main group [22:54] the hotel becomes a Mecca for this new religion and Jasmine plots world domination [22:55] paranthetically, she eats people when no one's watching, but no one would care anything because everyone loves her [22:55] sounds like my perfect gal! [22:55] Fred gets some of Jasmine's blood in her blood and sees Jasmine for what she really is, a horrible maggot infested hag thing [22:55] so everyone's like HERETIC and fred is on the run [22:56] she manages to shoot a bullet through jasmine and into Angel, curing him too [22:56] they cure the others except for Connor who's a fucking dick and always saw her the way she really is but didn't care because he's such a dick [22:56] hah [22:56] Cordy is in a coma while all this is happening [22:57] shit happens and as she's about to go on a worldwide broadcast and basically turn everyone, angel manages to depower her so everyone sees the maggot thing and everything breaks bad [22:57] connor ends up killing jasmine [22:58] so then wes's dead girlfriend from wolfram and hart shows up at the hotel [22:58] still dead, but her contract with Wolfram and Hart goes beyond the grave [22:58] and she offers them the LA branch of the firm [22:58] to do whatever they want with it [22:59] to fight evil if that's what they want [22:59] they're like hell no bitch [22:59] but then they go on a tour of the place and all decide they're in [22:59] angel goes in because he sees connor on the news with a bunch of hostages at a department store [22:59] because he's such a fucking dick [22:59] he goes there and he's got Coma Cordelia too because hey why not [23:00] angel goes and stabs connor with a magic knife WR&H gave him [23:00] and poof no one remembers connor ever existed [23:00] haha [23:00] connor's with a new family who thinks that he's their son [23:00] and he's a successful and smart kid about to go to the college of his choice [23:00] start season 5 [23:00] (oh but angel remembers) [23:01] so season 5 everyone's working for WR&H [23:01] Harmony from buffy is there too as angel's secretary [23:01] lots of stuff happens and they're all trying to figure out what WR&H is up to letting them have the place and trying to do good with it [23:01] Gunn gets a mind upgrade and now he's a superlawyer [23:02] Wes has all the books in the world [23:02] Fred has her own well-staffed lab [23:02] Lorne runs the entertainment division [23:02] shit happens and Cordelia wakes up after like half the season [23:03] and exposes Lindsay, you remember him from season 1? as a guy that's fucking with angel [23:03] they take him out and the Senior Partners of WR&H suck him into a hell dimension [23:03] then it's revealed that Cordy's dead, she never woke up, and that was a ghost [23:03] she kisses angel and then vanishes [23:04] lots more stuff happens, Gunn'a lawyer powers start to fade so he goes and signs a paper for a guy to make them permenant [23:04] turns out the paper okayed a shipment of a big box to Fred [23:04] this will End Badly [23:05] the big box infects fred with a superdemon from way back that takes over her body and kills her [23:05] gunn and fred broke up somewhere in the last season but he still you know cares for her [23:05] she had just started seeing Wesley when she dies like this [23:05] oh oh [23:05] I forgot [23:05] in season 5 Spike is there, back from dying in the last episode of Buffy [23:06] <3 [23:06] terrible accent but spike is Best [23:06] he's still got his soul and for a while we don't know who the prophecy about a vampire with a soul getting to become human is about [23:06] so fred dies [23:06] but this demon Illyria has her body now [23:06] and is mega ultra super powered [23:07] she's mega strong and can bullet time [23:07] she makes a portal to where her hordes of demon minions await to conquer the world [23:07] ...and whoops, they've all been dead for eons [23:08] lulz [23:08] what a silly bitch [23:08] so Illyria hangs out with Wesley, who's beyond grief stricken but agrees to help her grow acclimated to this world because she looks like Fred and he's just so goddamned sad about it [23:08] I make fun but I mean [23:08] in the show you can sympathize with him [23:08] mmmm [23:08] so gradually angel drifts farther and farther from the group [23:09] oh and when wesley finds out what gunn did, he stabs him [23:09] doesn't kill him but you know [23:09] angel's drifting away and they go find Lindsay in the hell dimension [23:09] who lives a Leave it to Beaver happy life except every day he has to go down to the basement and get his heart ripped out by a troll [23:10] and he doesn't remember life on earth [23:10] how promethean [23:10] they find him and gunn takes his place there since someone has to, to atone for what he did [23:10] for most of the season there was a cute girl who was a liason to angel from the senior partners [23:11] turns out she was Lindsay's girlfriend and when they find out she gets fired and replaced by Jayne from firefly [23:11] clean shaven and wearing a suit [23:11] I didn't figure out it was him until the last episode [23:11] he is classy as FUCK [23:11] i love jayne [23:11] i genuinely look like him when i don't shave [23:11] so angel is drifting away and doing more and more bureaucratic evils [23:11] anyway [23:11] (we're close to the end btw) [23:12] he is also in chuck! [23:12] like he convinces a woman to give up her baby to this demon cult who will raise him with love and care until he's 13 at which time they sacrifice him [23:12] and all manner of unseemly shit [23:12] and he shuts out the group [23:13] and then they suspect that he was behind fred's death [23:13] like the one who REALLY planned it [23:13] so they're going up to his office to confront him and kill him if they have to [23:13] when he does a spell and says they have six minutes of being invisible to the senior partners and he can explain [23:14] he didn't kill fred, he just made it look like that after the fact so the senior partners would think he was becoming evil [23:14] and induct him into the Order of the Black Thorn, which is their secret society on earth [23:14] sinsiter [23:14] sinister [23:14] rather [23:15] not actually made up of the senior partners themselves, but their closest compatriots [23:15] so the plan is angel gets in, figures out who they all are, then they kill them all [23:15] in the process of proving his loyalty to them, btw, he has to sign away the prophecy that he gets to become human when he saves the world [23:16] making it void [23:16] he does this without hesitation [23:16] so they all go out on one last night (and episode) and [23:16] oh btw [23:17] close to the end angel meets Connor when he displays super strength and someone refers his parents to WR&H [23:17] lol [23:17] he doesn't want to deal with them but then something happens and he needs connor to fight something and in the process he kills Bill, who he'd been prophesied to kill (that was why Bill wanted him dead in season 3) [23:18] and also in the process he gets his real memories back, as well as Wesley [23:18] so he has both memories now but he goes back to his human parents [23:18] in the last episode when they're all going to kill their targets he shows up and helps Angel fight Jayne [23:19] so we basically see that he's become a well-adjusted 18 year old kid who also knows everything that went down and he's grateful to Angel for doing what he did with the memory thing [23:19] he's startlingly likable now [23:19] so they all kill their people [23:19] Wesley doesn't survive [23:19] Illyria is with him at the time [23:20] we've learned before that she can look and act exactly like Fred if she wants to [23:20] she does this when fred's parents visit WR&H [23:20] after they leave wesley tells her furiously never to do it again [23:20] before they go on this last mission they're all spending their last day the way they want [23:21] like spike does a poetry slam (remember he was a wannabe poet when he was human), and angel hangs out with connor [23:21] wesley's going about his day as normal, and illyria is like "why don't I be fred for you so you can be happy on your last day" [23:22] wesley tells her that since he doesn't plan to die today he doesn't want a lie [23:22] as he's laying there dying later she says "would you like me to lie to you now" [23:22] and he says "yes that would be very nice" [23:22] lol [23:22] so she pretends to be fred and kisses him and he dies [23:23] meanwhile lorne and lindsay are doing something and lindsay is like "hey this hero stuff is pretty fun" [23:23] now, before they set out lorne told angel "I'll do this one last thing for you but after this I'm out. I'm leaving and don't look for me" [23:23] so lindsay is like hey this is cool [23:23] and lorne shoots him [23:23] and says "angel told me to tell you you're not part of the solution" [23:24] lindsay dies, and then lorne says "goodnight, folks" and leaves [23:24] this is increasingly complex [23:25] where do the monsters come from [23:25] so connor leaves after helping angel, and angel, spike (who saved that woman's baby from the demon cult), a grief stricken illyria, and a near-death gunn all meet in the alley behind the hotel [23:25] i see [23:25] they've all killed the circle of the black thorn and know that the senior partners are going to send the armies of hell after them [23:25] they look down the alley and hey, it's the armies of hell [23:25] demons and beasts and giants and dragons [23:26] and they turn to angel and go "so what should be do" [23:26] angel says "well, personally, I wanna slay a dragon" [23:26] they charge [23:26] show's over [23:26] that is unsatisfying but [23:26] seems like demon bitch could help out [23:27] well she does [23:27] btw she's less powerful now [23:27] they found a way to make her less dangerous [23:27] less strong and she can't bullet time anymore [23:27] i really need to sleep [23:27] we can continue with the comics and shit another time [23:28] thank you for the the abridgement [23:28] it was enjoyable